


Sir Fat Cat McCatterson vs. the World

by carminesunset



Series: exy sticks, cigarette butts, and purrfect pets [2]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Fluff, Gen, M/M, Sir is a little shit but she's cute so Andrew doesn't do anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-24 23:46:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16650178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carminesunset/pseuds/carminesunset
Summary: In which Sir Fat Cat McCatterson is an agent of chaos and destruction.All for a good cause, of course.(AFTG Andreil Bingo prompt: "Gift")





	Sir Fat Cat McCatterson vs. the World

The most important role of a cat is to protect and provide for one’s territory. Sir is a master of both. Sometimes, protecting your territory requires a bit of ruthlessness; Sir has it in spades. Both her humans are up early, as usual. Red will usually leave her territory and come back tired and smelling of sweat. Yellow will then cook breakfast.

What they _don’t_ do, however, is respect her territory. Case in point: the glass sitting temptingly on the countertop. It is an insult. An intruder. Her paws ache to destroy the interloper.

Sir leaps up to the countertop with grace, and Yellow jerks around at the sound. He reaches behind him and turns off the fire-maker with a click. Their eyes meet, and Sir circles around once before deliberately sitting directly behind the glass.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” says Yellow. Sir inches her paw closer to the glass of water on the counter. “I just fucking cleaned up, and I don’t want to clean after you, too.”

He stares at her.

She stares at him.

His eyes promise murder if she is to go through with her plans, but fear is a concept unknown to Sir.

Her tail flickers in amusement. Yellow steps forward menacingly, and before he can do anything, Sir swipes her paw across the counter, knocking the glass to the ground in a spray of glass and water. She is a goddess, victorious in battle!  She stands over her enemy, fearless and powerful--

And hisses when she is picked up around the belly to be dropped in the living room. No amount of wriggling and hissing and scratching perturbs Yellow, so she makes a tactical retreat as soon as she is set down. As Yellow curses in the kitchen, she pads over to the cat bed and begins to groom herself.

“Damn it, Neil, I told you to put your glass in the sink. This fucking cat is pissing me off.”

She may have won this battle, but she knew the war was not over yet. There were other intruders to worry about, after all.

-

For once, her humans have left the door to their domain open. Perfect for her to strut in and display the spoils of her victory. Long has her enemies trod through her territory, but no more! No more will these foul beasts flaunt their dull wings at her!

Sir has been stalking these creatures every night for a week. She knows not where they come from, but she does not care. Every night she hunts them and takes glee in separating their parts and feasting on her slain enemies. But tonight?

Tonight she will share the loot of the battle with her humans. First, she must catch one.

From her perch on the countertop, she can see part of her territory laid out before her. On one side, the fire-maker and the heat box. Across from her, an island. On the far side of the kitchen, a sink. She knows every nook and cranny. _Nothing_ will escape her vision. Her eyes glint in the low light as she scrutinizes her territory for intruders, and -- there! Scurrying about in the darkness, partaking in crumbs not meant for them. She crouches down and wiggles in preparation to pounce. Just a few paws to the left...

The creature scuttles to the left, and she leaps off the counter with a hiss. She lands in front of the menace, blocking it from any escape and bats at it with her claws. It dodges and scampers away to the space under the counter. She hisses again and swipes, successfully knocking it onto its back. Its legs wriggle madly in the dim light, but it won’t be able to get up.

_Victory!_

She picks up her prize with her mouth and bites down, killing it instantly but not eating it yet. Her humans deserve the chance to partake in her plunder.

Sir pads over to the open door of the bedroom. King is already there, fast asleep curled up at Yellow’s back. Yellow himself has an arm wrapped around Red, who has left a bit of space in front of him for her to leap upon. She sets down her spoils in front of Red’s face and meows.

Nothing.

She meows louder. His face twitches, and he blearily opens his eyes.

“Sir?” He whispers. “What do you want?” He glances over at the watch box on the table and sighs, leaning over to flick on the light. As he sits up, his hand brushes against her prize. She perks up. “Fuck, shit! What the --”

Red jerks away from the cockroach, waking up Yellow and jostling King, who meows in irritation. Sir sits back on her haunches and meows. “A gift! For you!”

“Fuck, that’s disgusting,” Red says, grimacing. Sir isn’t offended. Spoils of war aren’t always clean and pretty.

“What happened?” Yellow asks and leans over Red’s shoulder to peer down at Sir’s prize. His eyebrow raised. “Do cockroaches scare you?”

“No,” Red huffed and carefully got out of bed, avoiding her prize all the while. “But having a cockroach near my face isn’t exactly my ideal way of waking up.” Red bustles into the bathroom and comes back with a wad of toilet paper. He carefully picks up her prize. She watches him go proudly. A hand comes down to scratch her behind the ears, and she purrs. Sir is glad they have accepted her gift.

“Alright, move you pieces of shit.” Yellow gets up from bed and picks them up, dropping them on the ground. “That was disgusting,” he says, looking at Sir as he begins to strip the bedding. “Neil’s face was amazing, though.”

“Talking to the cats again?” Red asks when he returns, looking weary.

“Shut up.” Yellow throws the bedsheets into the corner on the floor and accepts the new sheets when they’re handed to them. He flicks his wrists and they float up into the air for a moment. Oh, yes! Perfect playtime!

She and King are obviously thinking the same thing because he also pounces on the pillowy bedsheets. They bat at offending bubbles of fabric as Yellow tucks in the sheets around them.

“Stop it, guys.” Red picks up King and shoos Sir down.

“I told you we should have just named them Cat 1 and Cat 2. You went and named them Sir and King and now they’ve gone and developed complexes.”

“They’re just cats, Andrew.”

“Says the guy who will literally move his entire workstation to the floor if a cat is in his way. Just cats? Really?”

“Shut up.” Red shakes his head, but he’s smiling.

King meows again for attention, wriggling madly in Red’s arms. “Cuddle time? Sleep?” Yellow drags a new blanket from the closet onto the bed and crawls in first. Red lays with him soon after, and pats the spot next to him for the cats to curl up in. After he flicks off the light again, he scratches behind their ears for a moment before settling back in again.

“Nice prize,” King chirps at her from where he’s curled up.

Hell yes it was.

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Ozzie, J's cat. He likes to bring his toy mouse to people as a gift. Apparently he also likes to scare people into thinking it's a real dead mouse. Ozzie is one cheeky bro.
> 
> hmu on tumblr @ Mokuuton


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